This Little Parent Stayed Home...

This one is for all the moms out there.
Mother's Day is soon approaching... which has me analyzing some of the more and less attractive aspects of motherhood and gave me the idea for this particular entry.

When my children were first born, it was my only wish to stay home with them as long as possible. I was a teen mom with a minimal support system. By the time my son was six months old, my husband and I had purchased a home. So by the time our daughter was on the way, two incomes were necessary to keep us ahead of our debts. Our biggest conflicts were the fights over my desire to stay home with the children.

At the time, the only 'real' support I had for staying home came from my grandmother. I often view her as one of a lost generation, still holding on to outdated ideas and philosophies... but on this, we were in agreement.
My husband was coming from a family culture in which success was measured by the acquisition of stuff and things and he couldn't justify the loss of my income. I was having an emotional and instinctual response to motherhood by wanting to spend as much time as possible being the one to nurture and raise my children. I had even put together a financial chart of expenses for infant daycare in the hopes that my logical explanation would sway him.

I stayed home for almost a year with my son, but had to return to work and did... just in time to find out I was pregnant with my daughter. I (mostly) stayed home with her, taking on part-time work - but essentially being a stay-at-home mom (much to my husband's chagrin) for the first 9 months of her life.

Among many challenges (not the least of which was being a divorced mom with primary custody of my two children) was the challenge of being able to spend more time with my kids.

Even though they are now teenagers, I'm still dedicated to the pursuit of spending as much time with them as possible while simultaneously avoiding the corporate machine.

I lost several jobs when my children were young. My son was an undiagnosed autistic and had been kicked out of several preschools and daycares. I can't count the number of times I had to leave work early or take my sick/vacation days to wait out a suspension or drive around town checking out new child care.

But with all of its challenges, it somehow worked out. I certainly didn't get to spend as much time with my kids as I would have liked, but I spent a fair amount of time at home with them until they were of school age.

I fervently believe, however, that it IS possible. I also believe that this generation - my generation - who grew up primarily as latch-key kids with two working parents, are the catalyst for change.
I see more and more parents rejecting the public school system in favor of private, charter and home-schooling. Many of them are choosing to stay home or supplementing income with work-from-home opportunities. In any case, I see parents taking a more active role in the decisions being made for their children rather than merely entrusting them to state & county employees or members of the previous generation.

I left my last 'corporate' job in 2006. Since then, 'corporate job' has come to mean performing at a business event.

I don't consider myself an uber-success story. We live on a shoestring budget and don't have the funds for a whole lot of extras. (We haven't had a family vacation since 2003.) But we have extended cable! :)

I think the benefits of working from home cannot be valued monetarily. We don't have the additional stress of a corporate office environment. Not only that, but we get to choose our work and involve ourselves in the kind of projects and work that we love. Therefore, when we wind up 'bringing our work home with us' (and we ALL bring our work home with us, whether we intend to or not,) we're bringing home work that we LOVE. That, I think, is an invaluable benefit and a great example to our kids that they don't have to compromise and work a standard 9-5 if their circumstances call for a more creative livelihood.

If I had to estimate, I'd say that we put in more than a 40-hour work week. But we rarely calculate our hours because it's so pleasant to be engrossed in what we do.

In any case, I hope that I can encourage anyone out there who is thinking about making a change - to have confidence that it is possible. It takes patience, determination and compromise, but it is absolutely possible.

I have a friend in L.A. who is an amazing woman and is spearheading a movement to bring parents back into the home. Well, I should say she and her husband are spearheading the movement.

I met Ally and Chris several years ago. Ally and Jason dated in high school and he would often comment that she and I would get along famously. He was right. A gifted artist and performer, she is one of those personalities that lights up the room when she enters. Ally is bubbly and genuine and Chris (also a talented artist/performer) is just as engaging. They both have extensive theatre resumes, and are using their skills and talents to work for them in the most amazing ways.

Firstly, Ally runs the website http://www.ourmilkmoney.com/

It is a comprehensive directory of self-employed parents and a great resource for parents who want to get started with their own business. If you are self-employed, I encourage you to join the directory. If not, I encourage you to support home-based businesses in your area.

Secondly, Ally is doing a podcast radio show every Friday night. If you can't tune in, her episodes are available here http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-little-parent-stayed/id357476643 or on itunes for free download.

I don't normally do 'plugs' in my blog, but Ally and Chris are soldiers on a mission that is close to my heart. I know that their philosophy is similar to many of my friends here in Arizona who are trying to find creative resolutions to the parenting vs. career dilemma.

It is possible. Have confidence.

And give my friend Ally a listen... she's kinda awesome. :)