Callbacks and Calling Back the Black Cat

One of my cats disappeared Monday night.
Sawyer, our No. 2 patriarch of the pride is known for his hunting skills. He has been faithfully gifting us with creatures since we granted him access to the wild outdoors almost a year ago. We knew we would be taking a risk by letting our cats out. We are responsible pet owners in that they are fixed, have all their shots and have the appropriate collars and tags with our number visible.

But that doesn't protect them from the dangers that can still befall them... and the most dangerous predator of all (as Bambi would say) ...man.

As if it were some kind of premonition, Jay and I had witnessed what looked like an enormous black crow feasting on the carcass of a black cat Monday afternoon. It made us rush home and check on our babies, but they were all accounted for.

Until Tuesday morning when Sawyer didn't show up for breakfast.

My spoiled lazy cats NEVER miss breakfast.

And so by Wednesday, I was a nervous wreck when he still hadn't showed up.

I had to put all of my angst aside (temporarily) by Wednesday afternoon for a callback at PT for 'Hairspray'.

Now, I don't know how long I have to do this before the auditioning part gets easier... but after years in this business, I'm still a nervous wreck at auditions. Still!
I have an easier time with callbacks than generals. I feel like there's a little less pressure, but it's still so hard. I don't know when I'll reach the age of maturity or the level of professionalism that will keep my hands from shaking.
It doesn't help that I still feel like I have to prove myself (both personally and professionally) in the face of the upset at Southwest (which has been eerily similar to the fallout after the upset at Stagebrush so many years ago). It has been really hard for me to bounce back into musicals after so many years of not utilizing those skills or my instrument.
And oh Lord, my internal monologues are just so exacerbating!

Upon walking into the greenroom to check in, it goes a little something like this:
"Phew. I'm on time. Right on! A little sweaty. Gotta breathe. Cool down.
Ugh. There's 'that guy'. Awkward. Keep moving. Don't break your stride. Do this.
Oh, there's Kathi! Sweet! And Sally Jo! And Patti Davis! Love them!! Oh... they're all reading for the same role I am.
Shit.
Well what the hell am I even doing here? I should just save the trouble and get back in the car and drive home.
I gotta pee first. And check my lipstick.
Oh, they're assigning groups. Well, guess I'll just have to stick it out and give it the ol' 'college try'.
Cool... I know that chick. And that one. And that guy. Okay... I get to read with some people I know. This is looking up. Yay for hugs and people I haven't seen in a while!
Crap... it's our turn to read.
This stairwell always smells like maple syrup.
Read it again. Listen to the direction. Was that really funnier or just bigger? Was it even bigger? Was it the same exact read both times? Probably.
Shit.
Now we sing.
Great.
Belters to the left of me, Opera to the right... here I am, stuck in the middle of my mixed voice... on an E stuck in the middle of my mixed voice... humming to myself.... stuck in the middle...
And we wait...
and wait...
and wait...
god, this is killing me...
Thank heavens for friendly faces and talk of food and Alyssa who is like Eeyore, but hot.
We sing.
I hit that effing E.
He didn't make me sing it again.
Why didn't he ask for it again?
The others sang through it twice. All of them? I think so. Maybe not.
Shit.
I should have been paying more attention instead of joking with Kathi and yukkin' it up with Sally Jo. But it helped my nerves. But now I won't know what singing it once really means!
Does that mean it sucked? Could he not bear to hear it one more time? Was that my go-ahead-and-sing-it-once-but-we've-already-ruled-you-out consolation run?
Dammit, I hate auditions.
Don't analyze. Don't compare yourself. You did what you could do. Be grateful you're being considered at all among the women in this room. Go home and drink a glass of wine to a job well done.
Hell yes."

And now that my hands no longer resemble those of a palsy sufferer, I'm able to reflect via keyboard and say that all in all, I feel good about callbacks. I don't know that this is exactly the right role for me (though I like to delude myself into thinking that every role I audition for is the right role for me) but I do hope to work at PT again this season. I had a blast with the run of Curtains last season and got to work with some really fun and amazing people.

And so with one callback down and one to go this week... and another round of generals next Tuesday, I count myself well on the way to conquering some demons.

Immediately following my callback, I called home to see if there was any sign of our missing furry demon.

It is now Thursday and we've seen no sign and heard no word.

The other cats have noticed and Sparky has taken to periodically yowling at me as if it were my fault and I should be out looking for him. (Which I have. Not like I have much chance of spotting a black cat while driving around foreign neighborhoods in the huge Cherokee, but I've done it - sure that I look like I'm either casing joints or searching for kids to prey upon.)

I'm trying not to get too down about it. My pets really are my babies and so I can't help but be preoccupied with worry. Jay has tried to console me by explaining that he's gone to visit the Riparian Preserve (a bird sanctuary nearby) and will be back in a few days.

I'm holding out hope.

And hoping that whatever energy I can put out there in the universe will help me get through callbacks and call back my cat.

I'm sure he's got at least seven lives left. That should be plenty enough to get him home.