Why I HATE banks...

I haven't had a normal, conventional bank account since around 2005.

Back in the day, our employer (MCI) had a direct-deposit program in which we got a credit/debit card that we used, but it wasn't linked to an actual checking account. Later, that company was acquired by Bank of America and we were required to have either a checking or savings account open to continue. We did... and stayed with BofA until they hiked up fees and changed their account structure... at which time, we decided to switch over to Wells Fargo.

Now Wells Fargo required that we have both a savings and a checking account with them but allowed us to get into the most basic account they had, which only had monthly fees of $8.00/mo. for checking and $3.00/mo. for the savings. Fees that would be waived if we transferred $25.00 into savings every month on autopay. Fine. No problem. I'm still a bit of a cynic, however, and don't like the concept of paying an institution $11.00/mo. to hold on to my money for me... only to have them tell me what to do with it. It just seems... strange. 99% of my banking is done online. I use my debit card and I have billpay set up for everything else. I go into branches if I have a cash deposit. That's it.

So anyhow... for the past 6-8 months, WF has been telling me that I qualify for an 'upgrade' on my checking account. I try (as politely as possible) to tell them that my current account more than suits my needs and that an upgrade isn't necessary at this time. I use every customer service and counter-sales technique I ever learned while working in communications. But these guys are mighty tenacious. I was getting daily calls from a personal banker... but all while I was in rehearsal... and alas, they are out of the office during my dinner break.

Imagine my surprise when I logged in this weekend to check my balance... only to find that TWO accounts had been opened and added to my login.

No one asked my permission or waited to talk to me in person. They just decided to open an additional checking and savings account. My 'upgrade'. No authorization required.

So I call... immediately.

After an incredibly insincere "OH, Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!" (Puh-leeze, I'm an actress... I can tell when you're scripted.) The banker on the phone explains that the upgrade is 'automatic'... and now bumps up my monthly fees to $25.00 and requires minimum balances on both accounts of an additional $1000 in checking and $300 in savings.

WTF!!??

I asked her twice if it was a mandatory upgrade and she refused to answer me.

I explained (again, as politely as I could) that the only 'benefit' I could see to this upgrade is that Wells Fargo would make more money off of my accounts monthly and that I would have access to less of MY money at a greater cost to me per month. I asked her to explain why this would be a benefit to ME. She changed the subject.

I'm still fuming... which means I can't go into the branch right now. I would only end up demanding a manager and closing all of my accounts out of anger and indignation. (And I have too many automatic payments coming up in the next two weeks.) But I will have to go in there in the next day or two and try to find out how in the world someone is supposed to be able to protect themselves from the constant gouging and unauthorized account-opening. I hate that financial institutions have this much power and this much say. I was thrilled to hear about the judgment against Wells Fargo for posting transactions by largest dollar amount first instead of posting them chronologically. (They were doing this for nefarious purposes, trust me.)

Oh... and before they opened these new accounts for me, they ran a credit check. Without my knowledge or my permission.

I'm pissed.

I don't know much about the laws and policies regarding banks, but something tells me that this is NOT okay.

Banking should not be awkward. Just let me mind my business and my money and I'll ask for their help if and when I need it. Until then, it's not much work to maintain my measly balances. Certainly not worth more than what I already pay for the privilege of putting someone else in charge of watching my money.

Am I the only one that thinks this is ridiculous? Or am I just one step away from being one of those conspiracy-theorists with all of my liquid assets hidden under the mattress??


UPDATE: After three phone bankers and a branch manager, they actually let me keep my current accounts without any of their 'upgrades' and assured me that no changes would be made without my request. Grrrrrrrrr. But I'm calling it resolved. For now.