Because I lack discipline

I told myself that I was going to blog every day.
Made it a goal. A personal challenge.
Fail.

Some time ago, I was involved with a group of artists that met every week as we went through The Artist's Way by Julie Cameron. One of her exercises is called 'morning pages'. You start every day by writing. Doesn't matter if you paint, dance, act, sing, write, etc... everyone starts with morning pages. It is part purgative, part stimulant (mentally and artistically speaking) and it is for me the hardest part of the entire 12 week process.
Why?
Because I lack discipline.

Not everywhere, mind you. For instance, I've never missed a performance. I've been called to fill in for actors who are sick or injured, but I've never been too sick or injured to perform. I don't typically have conflicts during the rehearsal period... though I have been known to juggle schedules when doing two or more projects at a time. I guess that speaks for dedication, tenacity, and maybe work ethic... but doesn't really say much for discipline.

I've always dieted poorly, which is why I spent a good deal of my 20's as a size 20 at 209lbs. My metabolism finally evened out (as did my work regime) in my 30's and routine helped me to lose weight and plateau at 135. (Though I pack on about 10 pounds between shows and lose about 5 during every tech week... but I digress.)

My daily 'routine' is consistently disorganized and depends mostly upon what projects I have, what work there is, what the kids are doing, etc.

I'm constantly unprepared for and rarely attend general auditions. I would rather perform for an auditorium full of celebrities and bitches who hate me than depend on 32 bars of an up-tempo and a ballad to make a stellar impression. I get nervous. I shake. I sweat. I talk too much. I giggle inappropriately. Most of this would be eliminated if I just had the discipline to prep myself properly. I shudder to think what I would accomplish if I had the discipline to put into practice the things I merely think or talk about.

I mean, really... I can't even blog on a consistent basis.
Why?
No real reason...
I just lack discipline.