To vent or not to vent...

From time to time, I have the chance to mentor young actors. Sometimes they are students from workshops or the children of friends or young castmates... but I often find myself asked for advice that I don't always think I'm qualified to give.

Because I didn't go through college and get my degree in theatre, I feel as if there is a lot I've missed in regards to formally educating myself on my own craft. I've taken workshops on Meisner, Stanislavski, Linklater, and worked with directors who used everything from contemporary dance to Chekhov, but it's nothing like immersing yourself scholastically for years. Rather, it's immediate practical application, which appeals to my impatient nature. (I like to learn by doing because I can immediately gauge my aptitude for whatever it is I'm exploring.)

While I consider myself a generally confident and positive person, I do go through times of frustration or insecurity that can shake up my reality for a good number of days. It's nothing, however, compared to what I was like ten years ago.
A mere decade ago, I was borderline bipolar, suffering from a severely negative body image, and living an incredibly self-centered existence. The theatre was my sole outlet and everything about it impacted me. It was drama, drama, drama... and I reveled in it.
A lot can change in that amount of time.
There is much to be learned. Some of it can only be learned the hard way.

I sat this weekend with a young and very talented actor who was feeling particularly discouraged by some division in his cast.
He was feeling ostracized and a bit hated on... and wanted to vent.
I asked him not to name names, but just to vent about how he felt. When he was done, he asked what he was supposed to do about all of it.
"Nothing." I said.
I explained that sometimes it's more important to remember that ours is a business of eclectic and passionate artists. We are all here to do a job, and to do it well. And the mere fact that we're all here together gives us more in common than not at this crossroads in our lives.
If I got my panties in a wad every time someone talked negatively about me, I'd have died long ago of anxiety and frustration if not downright depression.
I think rather that it's more important to put yourself out there and give no doubt as to why you're there.

I believe in standing up for what I believe is right, but I also pick my battles.

I don't think there is any drama worth losing your passion or your career. And I've come dangerously close to losing both. I left Southwest Shakespeare because it was leeching my passion for the craft. I can honestly say that after a season away, I miss it. Not the institution itself, but the poetry of the bard and the artistry of his work (and the people that share that passion). Walking away when I did was a decision I do not regret.
At times I've been threatened with my career either by association with less-than-reputable companies and/or individuals or just by being involved with theatre in general. It's no secret that there are people out there who have no love for me (either personally or professionally) and sometimes it's a challenge to deal with the mere knowledge that someone out in the universe harbors negative feelings towards me, let alone attempt to combat the attempts to discredit or subvert.

I haven't always been a believer in 'ignorance is bliss'. I used to be smack-dab in the middle of the gossip chain, always aware of the latest scandal or buzz in the theatre community.

It's fair to say that being at the middle of the scandalous subject matter can change one's perspective. It certainly did mine.

And the best advice that I can possibly give to anyone who is (or has been, or will be) in that position is to surround yourself with the people that love and encourage you. There is a certain amount of ignorance required. Actors and artists are sensitive people. Our 'work' is constantly being scrutinized and analyzed - by ourselves and the general public. We're often exposing psychological and emotional vulnerability to hundreds of people at a time. There is a reason why 'public speaking' is among one of the top fears of the general public. It can be nerve-wracking!

There are enough personal demons that we burden ourselves with, that I don't see the benefit of taking on the demons of others as well.

Right now, I'm struggling with playing a very unlikeable character in a show that deals with subject matter that is still sensitive to me personally. It proves to be even more difficult when you are a people-pleasing Pisces that wants to adopt the entire cast and feed them Thanksgiving dinner! Don't get me wrong... I LOVE playing an ambitious, driven, sexually-liberated bitch (regardless of her questionable methods). But it doesn't mean I don't still inwardly cringe sometimes as I spit out her venom.

I'm blessed in that this entire cast (without exception) has proven to be one of the most giving, loving, considerate and cooperative casts I've ever worked with. They are all amazing and uber-talented and I can't take that for granted for one minute.

It is experiences like these that revive my passion and my love for what I do. They don't happen with every show, and like any career, you will probably 'pay your dues' with some tedious and personally less-than-gratifying work. But when those projects come along that bolster and energize you, it's impossible not to embrace them with grand enthusiasm.

This show has been put together fast.
We started rehearsals a mere two weeks ago. We go into tech this week and have our first preview one week from Wednesday. Talk about a whirlwind!!
We had our first 'designer run-thru' on Sunday and I don't think anyone was completely satisfied with what we had, but I think we were all a little proud of what we had accomplished in such a short amount of time. Now that the backbone is stable, the rest is padding.

I'm excited about opening. I'm in awe of the work that everyone has done. From the leads to the ensemble, everyone is committed, honest, and a blast to watch! (and work/play with)

We're all here to do a job and we do it well. There is a lot of mutual respect in that room and I can appreciate that (in my old age) much more than I did ten years ago.

After a much-needed day off, I'm excited to go back and work again tomorrow. And THAT... is what it should be about.

Vent when you need to vent. But keep your head in the game. Respect what you are there to do and who you are doing it with. The rest... is easy.

Peace.