Happy Thanksgiving!!

What's better than an uber-talented, uber-friendly cast?
An uber-talented, uber-friendly cast of 'foodies' that can cook!!

J and I have hosted some version of an 'Orphan's Thanksgiving' for six of the ten years we've been together - one exception being last year, in which neither of us were in a show and all of our out-of-town friends were... well, ...out of town.
Since a good chunk of our Hairspray cast is from all over - Utah, Georgia, New York, New Jersey - it seemed fitting to stick together over the one-day break from our performance schedule.

Our 'Thanksgiving' actually began on Wednesday night when our dear friends from L.A. (Chris and Ally) came to see the show and have a drink afterward. I often forget how much I miss a person's energy until I'm once again in their presence, drinking in their inspirational vibes. That is such the case with our 'old school' crew and every time I see them, I love them more! And so it was in a small bar over shoestring fries and pretty nachos that I started to feel like it was a true holiday.
Fast forward several hours... as I'm buzzed on white wine and clad only in my robe... to 3:30am where I'm in my kitchen, hastily preparing a brine for my turkey.
Now, we knew we were going to try to eat around 2pm at my mom's house, which meant getting there about noon to help. This meant setting my hardcore alarm (which J says sounds like some kind of nuclear meltdown) for 6am to start roasting the bird.
After less than three hours of sleep, I was up cookin' the turkey and probably should have gone right back to sleep... but the sun had risen.

The house was cold and quiet with J and the animals still asleep.

I was able to listen to the birds outside, inspect the renewed bloom of the poinsettia in my kitchen, and revel in the aromas that were beginning to seep from the oven.

At 9, I flipped the bird and turned on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (an annual tradition) and promptly fell asleep on the couch. At ten, Roxie announced the arrival of the kids with a hearty bark and the house went into full 'action' mode.

We made it to mom's around 12:30, which was plenty of time to finish preparations, carve both birds (Jerry smoked one - it was heavenly!), and lick the beaters from mom's mashed taters.
Collard greens, green bean casserole, cornbread, ham, pasta salad, potatoes for days, Corey's amazing banana puddin' and Megan's delicious cake... we had a feast!!!

I was starting to fade after round two... and found myself snoozing on J... overwhelmed.

Not overwhelmed with responsibility or obligation, but overwhelmed with satisfaction. Overwhelmed with blessing.
Overwhelmed with gratitude.

My parents are amazing. My mom puts up with my routine mischief and troublesome nature and bails me out more than should be allowed at my age. My step-dad is an incredible guy with a heart of gold and an amazing artistic eye (for a straight man). My brothers have all turned into amazing young men with incredible wives. My nieces and nephews are the best looking kids to ever grace the face of the earth and are all sharp as tacks. And my kids... oh, my kids... who make me smile with just the thought of what phenomenal human beings they are, and inspire me every day to be a better person. My kids, who tolerate my absences during tech week and 5-show weekends. My kids, who get as excited about sharing their holidays with a group of whacky artists as I do. My kids, who continue to teach me every day that my capacity for love is much greater than I ever thought it could be.

My son and I gorged ourselves on second (and third) helpings of banana puddin' after a short nap at home.
And now... I will fall into bed and sleep in tomorrow, thankful that the show schedule is light this weekend. Thankful that I have food in my belly, a warm bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, and steady work through May.

Thankful that my kids were more excited than disappointed that I'll be at Arkansas Repertory for 8 weeks this Spring.

Thankful for the extended family that has touched my life (and my belly) over the past 5 weeks.

Just. Thankful.

Another Openin', Another Show!

Tonight was Opening Night for Hairspray.
I should be asleep because there are two shows tomorrow.
I definitely shouldn't be blogging - especially at 2am after a few glasses of wine at the cast party! (Well, technically, it was one glass... or rather, a plastic cup that kept getting mysteriously refilled... but I digress.)

Our tech was grueling. Well, the whole process was a bit of organized chaos, really. We staged Act I in the first week, Act II in the second week and went into tech our third week. We had 3 "10 of 12"s... which means we're at the theatre from 11am to 11pm with a 2-hour dinner break. So, yeah... 30 hours of tech rehearsal in three days. Can you say sleepy and cranky mama??

Wednesday and Thursday were our Preview performances and they were packed. I was kinda surprised... I mean, I know that Hairspray is a popular show, but I didn't expect that our Previews would be sold out! Standing ovations, amazing feedback from audience members, great response in ticket sales...

And I found myself in a corner tonight, surveying the smiling faces milling through Mr. B's backyard... and felt more than a little overwhelmed.

There is a moment in this show that I find incredibly moving and sobering. Thankfully, I'm backstage and have a few moments to compose myself before my next entrance - because it never fails to bring me to tears and leave me emotionally wobbly. For those not familiar with 'Hairspray', it deals with issues such as civil rights, prejudices, overcoming obstacles, etc. etc. While the practical application of the show deals 'mostly' with racism, it's a pretty decent commentary on any and all social stereotypes. And one of the clever elements or at least an astute observation on the part of Mr. Waters, is that the children of the show are the catalysts to change outdated or unenlightened traditions of their predecessors. Much like I feel like my generation rebelled against what we considered outdated or misguided opinions, ideas, traditions, rituals, etc; I also think it will be our children and our children's children that finally abolish what is left of the bigotry and intolerance that still weighs heavy in our ranks.

What I love most about this show is the joyous spirit of it. Not only is the show itself uplifting and inspiring, but the cast is really an incredible eclectic mix of awesomeness that I never would have dreamed. I remember getting Tiff's first email with the contact list... and I read down each name, smiling at the familiar ones that I knew or had worked with before and wondering who the others were and what they'd be like.

I feel like we bonded instantly, knowing the work that was ahead for all of us. When we laugh, we laugh loud and hard; when we cry, we cry openly.

There are times in my life that I wonder if I've made the right choices in my life. I miss a lot of my kids' recitals, games, and events because I work the equivalent of a 'swing shift' with Mondays off. (And I'm usually doing at least a shoot or two on Mondays.) I've traded in financial success for being passionate about what I do and I often panic when I think that I'm a mere emergency away from being in debt again. (Which took me the last seven years to climb out of.)

Any time I begin to have doubts... any time I find myself perusing want ads for marketing execs; God, the universe, the magic of fate, drops me into a project like this one. I'm loving every moment and every person involved. I feel like I'm learning and growing. It has felt like more than just another Opening Night. This one has been special. I know I don't fully understand 'why' just yet... and it may take many years for me to appreciate some elements of this production that I don't right now, but I'm trying to soak up as much as I possibly can while I can.

In the meantime, I feel blessed.

Blessed to be part of something so amazing.

And very very grateful.

To vent or not to vent...

From time to time, I have the chance to mentor young actors. Sometimes they are students from workshops or the children of friends or young castmates... but I often find myself asked for advice that I don't always think I'm qualified to give.

Because I didn't go through college and get my degree in theatre, I feel as if there is a lot I've missed in regards to formally educating myself on my own craft. I've taken workshops on Meisner, Stanislavski, Linklater, and worked with directors who used everything from contemporary dance to Chekhov, but it's nothing like immersing yourself scholastically for years. Rather, it's immediate practical application, which appeals to my impatient nature. (I like to learn by doing because I can immediately gauge my aptitude for whatever it is I'm exploring.)

While I consider myself a generally confident and positive person, I do go through times of frustration or insecurity that can shake up my reality for a good number of days. It's nothing, however, compared to what I was like ten years ago.
A mere decade ago, I was borderline bipolar, suffering from a severely negative body image, and living an incredibly self-centered existence. The theatre was my sole outlet and everything about it impacted me. It was drama, drama, drama... and I reveled in it.
A lot can change in that amount of time.
There is much to be learned. Some of it can only be learned the hard way.

I sat this weekend with a young and very talented actor who was feeling particularly discouraged by some division in his cast.
He was feeling ostracized and a bit hated on... and wanted to vent.
I asked him not to name names, but just to vent about how he felt. When he was done, he asked what he was supposed to do about all of it.
"Nothing." I said.
I explained that sometimes it's more important to remember that ours is a business of eclectic and passionate artists. We are all here to do a job, and to do it well. And the mere fact that we're all here together gives us more in common than not at this crossroads in our lives.
If I got my panties in a wad every time someone talked negatively about me, I'd have died long ago of anxiety and frustration if not downright depression.
I think rather that it's more important to put yourself out there and give no doubt as to why you're there.

I believe in standing up for what I believe is right, but I also pick my battles.

I don't think there is any drama worth losing your passion or your career. And I've come dangerously close to losing both. I left Southwest Shakespeare because it was leeching my passion for the craft. I can honestly say that after a season away, I miss it. Not the institution itself, but the poetry of the bard and the artistry of his work (and the people that share that passion). Walking away when I did was a decision I do not regret.
At times I've been threatened with my career either by association with less-than-reputable companies and/or individuals or just by being involved with theatre in general. It's no secret that there are people out there who have no love for me (either personally or professionally) and sometimes it's a challenge to deal with the mere knowledge that someone out in the universe harbors negative feelings towards me, let alone attempt to combat the attempts to discredit or subvert.

I haven't always been a believer in 'ignorance is bliss'. I used to be smack-dab in the middle of the gossip chain, always aware of the latest scandal or buzz in the theatre community.

It's fair to say that being at the middle of the scandalous subject matter can change one's perspective. It certainly did mine.

And the best advice that I can possibly give to anyone who is (or has been, or will be) in that position is to surround yourself with the people that love and encourage you. There is a certain amount of ignorance required. Actors and artists are sensitive people. Our 'work' is constantly being scrutinized and analyzed - by ourselves and the general public. We're often exposing psychological and emotional vulnerability to hundreds of people at a time. There is a reason why 'public speaking' is among one of the top fears of the general public. It can be nerve-wracking!

There are enough personal demons that we burden ourselves with, that I don't see the benefit of taking on the demons of others as well.

Right now, I'm struggling with playing a very unlikeable character in a show that deals with subject matter that is still sensitive to me personally. It proves to be even more difficult when you are a people-pleasing Pisces that wants to adopt the entire cast and feed them Thanksgiving dinner! Don't get me wrong... I LOVE playing an ambitious, driven, sexually-liberated bitch (regardless of her questionable methods). But it doesn't mean I don't still inwardly cringe sometimes as I spit out her venom.

I'm blessed in that this entire cast (without exception) has proven to be one of the most giving, loving, considerate and cooperative casts I've ever worked with. They are all amazing and uber-talented and I can't take that for granted for one minute.

It is experiences like these that revive my passion and my love for what I do. They don't happen with every show, and like any career, you will probably 'pay your dues' with some tedious and personally less-than-gratifying work. But when those projects come along that bolster and energize you, it's impossible not to embrace them with grand enthusiasm.

This show has been put together fast.
We started rehearsals a mere two weeks ago. We go into tech this week and have our first preview one week from Wednesday. Talk about a whirlwind!!
We had our first 'designer run-thru' on Sunday and I don't think anyone was completely satisfied with what we had, but I think we were all a little proud of what we had accomplished in such a short amount of time. Now that the backbone is stable, the rest is padding.

I'm excited about opening. I'm in awe of the work that everyone has done. From the leads to the ensemble, everyone is committed, honest, and a blast to watch! (and work/play with)

We're all here to do a job and we do it well. There is a lot of mutual respect in that room and I can appreciate that (in my old age) much more than I did ten years ago.

After a much-needed day off, I'm excited to go back and work again tomorrow. And THAT... is what it should be about.

Vent when you need to vent. But keep your head in the game. Respect what you are there to do and who you are doing it with. The rest... is easy.

Peace.