Homo Crucifixion

A friend posted the link to a news story regarding a movement in California to ban divorce.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/12/01/politics/main5845245.shtml

It is being tied in with the overturning of Prop 8 and the state's decision to ban gay marriage. The argument has become one of 'morality' between popular religious groups, citing that homosexuality is wrong according to the bible and should be afforded no 'rights' in legislation. Sanctity of marriage, right?

I was raised in a conservative Christian household. I learned from a very early age that there were fundamental 'morality' guidelines that I was to abide by. It was a long list of what-not-to-do. Don't kill, don't practice idolatry, don't bone your neighbor's wife, don't be an asshole to your parents, the basic 10 commandments. On further inspection of the bible, however, I was riddled with the questions that I imagine every inquisitive young adult has regarding the sacred text. My confusion only grew as I became old enough to question the doctrine I had followed naturally in my youth.

I met my first gay couple when I was cast in a local production of 'Annie' when I was 12. For most of the rehearsal process, we 'orphans' were on our own rehearsal track, having very little exposure to the adult cast members. It wasn't until we were closer to opening that I met Rodney and David, both members of the adult chorus.

I had watched Rodney (who I believe was the male dance captain) with awe through the rehearsals as he effortlessly kicked and leaped across the stage. He was a striking young man with piercing eyes, a chiseled face, legs for miles and perfectly pointed toes. He was probably in his mid-20's at the time, but I had an instant schoolgirl crush for the handsome dancing machine. He carpooled with another young man in the chorus who had one of the most amazing singing voices I had ever heard. As a young and naive girl, I naturally assumed they were 'BFF's.

I will never forget the tech rehearsal when I turned a corner to find them on the floor in a heap, giggling like little girls. Rodney had attempted a dance lift with David and had dropped him (they were both tall and built similarly.) Feeling like an intruder, I turned to leave when Rodney jumped up and asked if I'd try the lift he and David had just failed. I happily acquiesced, thrilled to have the chance to interact with the talented duo. We twirled and spun and they took turns tossing me this way and that before we eventually fell into a Rockette-esque kick line for our 'big finish'. From that day on, we were an inseparable trio.
I followed them around like a puppy, gleaning whatever information they were willing to share about dance, music, the theatre, etc. It was clear that they were the best of friends and they quickly 'adopted' me as their own orphan mascot. I was thrilled! The more time I spent with them backstage, the more their relationship puzzled me. I knew that theatre people were more affectionate and demonstrative than most people I had met, but their interactions were different. I finally got up the gumption and asked if they were related. They laughed and shared a 'look' before explaining that they were partners. "Partners in what?" (The only 'partners' I could think of were the partners at my dad's accounting firm and cowboys... I thought perhaps it was theatre lingo.) They clarified (in a whisper) that they were gay.

I'm sure now that they were having some fun at my expense with the conspiratorial whispers, but it somehow made the confession seem dangerous and exotic to my 12-year-old brain. Gay?? As in men loving men? No way. I'd only heard about such types in the briefest of instances and always in the context of the bible saying that such people were horrible sinners. I was both crushed and concerned, knowing that my new friends... these brilliant and beautiful people were going to hell.

I remember praying for them at night, asking God to help them not be gay.

Over the course of our production (which played for several weeks at Gammage and then again at the SunDome) I got to know several of the other adults in the cast. I was taken in by the charm of Bob Sorenson (who played our FDR) and the patient instruction of Noel Irick (the dance captain who taught me what a 'develope' was) as well as several other talented idols of mine (John Sankovich, Teresa Springer, Karen Morrow, John Schuck, Sarah Tattersall, and Molly Iforgetherlastname). But didn't get as close to them as I did my adoptive 'fathers', Rodney and David. I watched them for signs of evil, certain that the gay demon would expose himself if I was observant enough. But day after day, night after night, all I witnessed was love, acceptance and compassion.

At twelve, I didn't have a great understanding of sex. It was beyond my comprehension as I was just growing boobies myself, so I didn't think of relationships along the lines of fornication... though I knew that word was in the bible and had a bad connotation.

I can look back now and see that the relationship between Rodney and David started a chain reaction of questions that I would ask myself and respected elders as I struggled with the doctrine of my faith.

How could two people loving each other be an abomination to God? Wasn't there also a bible verse that says 'God is love'? How could that possibly be sinful? Were my brothers in danger of loving each other too much and being damned, too?? Gay didn't mean 'sexually deviant' to me as I had no notion of 'sexual normalcy'. All I knew was that these two beautiful men were damned for loving one another and it made me incredibly sad.

It wasn't until several years later (when I was experiencing the height of my own hormonal puberty) that I began to understand the moral repercussions of sexual deviance. I was able to research sexual abominations of the bible such as bestiality, homosexuality, adultery, premarital sex, and relations with a woman during her menses. (I love that word, menses. C'mon... say it out loud and giggle with me.)

I had spent a preponderance of my youth believing that sex was unpleasant, but a woman's 'Christian duty' to her husband. (I found out for myself at 17 that sex was indeed pleasant and only in the aftermath of losing my virginity did I seriously contemplate the moral sin I had committed by having premarital sex.) It only raised more questions, since I truly believed sex and physical intimacy to be an extension of or an expression of love and desire for another person. By engaging in premarital sex, I was now in the same 'sinner' category as the sexual deviants that raped animals and had butt-sex... which only raised more questions.

Being relatively sheltered, I wasn't allowed to listen to the radio or watch MTV, HBO, or anything that wasn't 'family friendly'. My Madonna cassette ('True Blue', which I received from a friend as a birthday gift) mysteriously disappeared from my room a week later. I saw my first Rated-R movie on a date when I was 16, unbeknown to my parents. So, I cannot blame my own promiscuity on my upbringing or the influence of sex on TV or in mainstream media. Was I genetically predisposed to like sex?

My relationship with the church and with God suffered because I knew it wasn't acceptable to 'pick and choose' parts of the bible to follow. I understood from family and church elders that the bible was to be taken in its entirety as a moral code for my life from start to finish. Being so 'black and white' meant that if I couldn't accept all of it, then I was following none of it.

For years now, I have been unable to classify myself as belonging to any particular religion. I still relate most closely with Christianity, but my grandmother will tell you that my soul is damned to hell because I no longer attend church regularly and disagree with some of the fundamental beliefs I was raised to accept as 'God's Law'. I cannot belong to a 'spiritual collective' that condemns, judges and rejects people who are valuable and viable children of God because they do not fit into the exclusive morality box we have developed in order to make us feel more like God's 'elite'.

I don't believe that homosexuality is immoral.
I believe that homosexuality is amoral and that homosexuals individually are either moral or immoral... just as heterosexuals are.
"God is no respecter of persons." (Acts 10:34 KJV) I believe that. And, I believe it applies not only to earthly appearance but also to physical expression, personality, and sexual orientation. I believe that He cares not one jot, iota, or yod about any aspect of our being human except that we try to reflect Him and His loving ways in all that we do. Spiritually speaking, love is the only real thing that can be multiplied and bear fruit. I believe that sexuality is, at worst, a parody of... or, at best, a parable of... the creative powers of God and the communion His saints have with one another in their "at-one-ment" with Him.

I believe that scripture interprets scripture... much like you find clues in Shakespeare to indicate and uncover meanings and motivations that aren't immediately clear to our understanding.

As the truth that God loves and accepts homosexuals is revealed to the Christian community, those who victimize and bully homosexuals in the name of religion will no longer have a cloak for their trespasses. Coming to an understanding that God loves everyone... and that God accepts everyone for who he or she is, and what he or she is in terms of sexual orientation... is crucial to countering the lies that have been spread about the irreconcilability of Christianity and homosexuality. Unfortunately, those lies have kept many homosexuals from Christ and Christianity. Hell, I'm not even gay... but that idea has kept ME from attending church for fear that I would be condemned by my peers for loving and accepting homosexuality as non-threatening and so very much less than deviant.

Homosexuals and heterosexuals are like cats and dogs. I have known many cats and dogs that are able to coexist. They just don't always understand one another. Most homosexuals have been thoroughly exposed to, and indoctrinated by, the interests, experiences and belief systems common to the dominant heterosexual culture and climate. It's no wonder we're fighting a morality war.

It is my true and heartfelt belief that God loves everyone. I am fairly certain that I am not going to hell because I've performed sodomy (very well, too). I'm fairly certain that God's only concern is that I love... not how I love...

I love both of my ex-husbands for many reasons, though I'm infinitely glad that separation and divorce was a viable option for me. Rather than banning divorce, I'd much rather see the Christian collective practice the love, acceptance, tolerance and compassion that God teaches.

I also hope that one day the gay community will forgive the harassment and injustice they have suffered at the hands of ignorance. In many cases, seven times seventy may prove to be the correct statistic.