I will admit that I was a little nervous about doing Next to Normal.
The show is a heavy one - the story of a family struggling to find themselves and each other through the heavy veil of grief and mental illness. Certainly not like the 'feel good' musicals I've been doing recently.
I obsessively stalked any information on the show when it won the Tony - knowing I was mere years away from being age-appropriate for the role (my own son and daughter are now the exact ages of the son and daughter in the show). I also subscribed to Alice Ripley's (the original Diana) YouTube channel and watched her post certifiably insane 'Diana' videos.
Like many actors who have played Hamlet or Ophelia, Lord or Lady Macbeth... it's easy to bring a little of the crazy home with you. And after reading, watching, and hearing stories of leading ladies going nuts just trying to play this role, I got a little spooked. Especially with issues that hit so close to home - how do you leave it behind?
Throughout the process, I cried at every rehearsal. Every. Single. One.
Then we got to tech and something strange happened.
I danced.
I danced in the lobby, in the aisles, backstage, in the tech booth, on the way home, in the hall, in my living room... and once in the shower before I realized that it was not only very limiting, but slightly dangerous.
Next to Normal is a cathartic show. I can't get through either Act without leaving it all on the stage - tears, snot, angst and all - and at the end, there's nothing left but gratitude.
Gratitude that I've been able to experience this journey, that my children are alive and healthy and well-adjusted, that there is clarity and 'light' in my world... and the ultimate blessing that my life is not Diana's.
There was a buoyancy in my step as I left yesterday's run behind me. I can't help but smile easier and laugh louder. Even though my life is chaotic and unstable, I can appreciate both what it is and what it is not. There's nothing like stepping into the grief and discomfort and insanity to appreciate the love and light and sanity around me.
I will be sad to leave this show - and ecstatic to revisit it in Kansas City, MO as part of Theatre League's Broadway series! It's a show I could do again and again and always discover something new and different and heartbreaking.
Cheers to Diana and her Next to Normal therapy.
And now... I dance.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Linguistic Intolerance
I was having a phone conversation with a dear friend who has more in common with my grandparents' generation than my own.
After a bit of banter, he exclaimed "I really hate how generous your generation is with the word f@#k. Back in my day, that was the mother of all offensive words and you kids throw it around like it's nothin'."
I instantly replied, "I really hate how generous your generation is with the word n#%%*r. To me, that's the mother of all offensive words and you kids threw it around like it was nothin'."
After a moment or two, we decided instead to hate the types of people that use the two together.
Peace achieved.
After a bit of banter, he exclaimed "I really hate how generous your generation is with the word f@#k. Back in my day, that was the mother of all offensive words and you kids throw it around like it's nothin'."
I instantly replied, "I really hate how generous your generation is with the word n#%%*r. To me, that's the mother of all offensive words and you kids threw it around like it was nothin'."
After a moment or two, we decided instead to hate the types of people that use the two together.
Peace achieved.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Shame on me...
I know, I know. I said I'd be better about keeping up with the blog....
Don't look at me like that, baby. You know I love you.
It seems that when my life is most blog-worthy, I don't have the time or inclination to document it. By the time the dust settles, I sit down at this thing and have precisely nothing to write about.
So, here are all the reasons I haven't been blogging.
1.) It turns out that Diana (the mother in Next to Normal) is a pretty big role. I'm very guilty of repeating the phrase, "Oh, I'm only the understudy" which suggests that I don't have much work to do. The truth is, I have the same responsibilities - learn the role and stay healthy - without the nightly show schedule. And learning this role is an on-going process. Every time I see the show or open the script/score, I learn something new about this woman and her relationships. I haven't done this much book-work on a show since the Shakespeare days (admittedly, my most recent 'bubblegum' musicals haven't required a ton of dramaturgy.)
Needless to say, I find myself nose-deep in the script while simultaneously looking up mental/psychological dysfunctions and ailments on the web.
2.) I'm moving! TWICE! What began as the most stressful decision I've made all year is slowly making way for the administration and logistics of moving across the country. All while being halfway across the country. No, no stress here at all. (lies.)
My lease is up on June 10th and my landlady has prospective tenants already, so she doesn't want to extend through the end of June. I'm home for a week at the end of May before going to Kansas City for the show, so during that week (6 days, actually) I will attend my son's graduation and cry my face off before packing and sorting and moving everything into two functional households. One household will stay with Jason in Mesa and the other will get stored (Hey Mom, how empty is your garage?) until it goes to Florida with me in August.
I will be teaching classes and workshops through June and part of July - and will sell what I can, beg, borrow and fund-raise to help make this move possible - since, let's face it, I'm flat broke. Aside from the fact that I have more crap accumulated, I'm basically just as broke as I was at the age of 18. Except I had a better job back then. How pitiful.
So, while I've been in Little Rock, I've been searching for apartments, contacting realtors, mentally inventorying my costumes and props for donations to local theatres, and pricing U-Haul vs. U-pack vs. Movers and trying to figure out how the hell to make it all happen in such a time-crunch.
3.) I've been a phone whore. Fun fact about me is that I'm actually not much of a 'phone' person. That great job I had at the age of 18 was working customer service. I would go on to work 5 jobs at different communications corporations before the age of 32 - all of them heavy on the 'customer service' and 'phone contact' categories. This doesn't include the many temp jobs I worked as a receptionist. Phone voice? I haz it. But I got burned out on the phone - and my job is such that I can't get calls while in rehearsal/performance - so text and email are usually my preferred methods of communication. In the past few weeks, however, I have spent an average of about 2 hours on the phone with my future roommate (Ann) almost every day since tech. At times, it's a typical conversation between friends - discussing movies and music and boys and life. Or a conversation between roomies - will the furniture fit, what's going on the walls?
More recently, however, the conversations have turned to mutual creative and business ventures that could very well be a lucrative adventure for both of us. At very least, it promises to be fun and entertaining. So, we've been throwing ideas back and forth on the phone (and via text) a lot - which is how you do things when you aren't in the same state.
So, stay tuned. As I settle into the chaos that will be the next three months of my life, I promise I'll have more fun fare to post and share.
I swear it, baby. You're my only blog and I love you.
Don't look at me like that, baby. You know I love you.
It seems that when my life is most blog-worthy, I don't have the time or inclination to document it. By the time the dust settles, I sit down at this thing and have precisely nothing to write about.
So, here are all the reasons I haven't been blogging.
1.) It turns out that Diana (the mother in Next to Normal) is a pretty big role. I'm very guilty of repeating the phrase, "Oh, I'm only the understudy" which suggests that I don't have much work to do. The truth is, I have the same responsibilities - learn the role and stay healthy - without the nightly show schedule. And learning this role is an on-going process. Every time I see the show or open the script/score, I learn something new about this woman and her relationships. I haven't done this much book-work on a show since the Shakespeare days (admittedly, my most recent 'bubblegum' musicals haven't required a ton of dramaturgy.)
Needless to say, I find myself nose-deep in the script while simultaneously looking up mental/psychological dysfunctions and ailments on the web.
2.) I'm moving! TWICE! What began as the most stressful decision I've made all year is slowly making way for the administration and logistics of moving across the country. All while being halfway across the country. No, no stress here at all. (lies.)
My lease is up on June 10th and my landlady has prospective tenants already, so she doesn't want to extend through the end of June. I'm home for a week at the end of May before going to Kansas City for the show, so during that week (6 days, actually) I will attend my son's graduation and cry my face off before packing and sorting and moving everything into two functional households. One household will stay with Jason in Mesa and the other will get stored (Hey Mom, how empty is your garage?) until it goes to Florida with me in August.
I will be teaching classes and workshops through June and part of July - and will sell what I can, beg, borrow and fund-raise to help make this move possible - since, let's face it, I'm flat broke. Aside from the fact that I have more crap accumulated, I'm basically just as broke as I was at the age of 18. Except I had a better job back then. How pitiful.
So, while I've been in Little Rock, I've been searching for apartments, contacting realtors, mentally inventorying my costumes and props for donations to local theatres, and pricing U-Haul vs. U-pack vs. Movers and trying to figure out how the hell to make it all happen in such a time-crunch.
3.) I've been a phone whore. Fun fact about me is that I'm actually not much of a 'phone' person. That great job I had at the age of 18 was working customer service. I would go on to work 5 jobs at different communications corporations before the age of 32 - all of them heavy on the 'customer service' and 'phone contact' categories. This doesn't include the many temp jobs I worked as a receptionist. Phone voice? I haz it. But I got burned out on the phone - and my job is such that I can't get calls while in rehearsal/performance - so text and email are usually my preferred methods of communication. In the past few weeks, however, I have spent an average of about 2 hours on the phone with my future roommate (Ann) almost every day since tech. At times, it's a typical conversation between friends - discussing movies and music and boys and life. Or a conversation between roomies - will the furniture fit, what's going on the walls?
More recently, however, the conversations have turned to mutual creative and business ventures that could very well be a lucrative adventure for both of us. At very least, it promises to be fun and entertaining. So, we've been throwing ideas back and forth on the phone (and via text) a lot - which is how you do things when you aren't in the same state.
So, stay tuned. As I settle into the chaos that will be the next three months of my life, I promise I'll have more fun fare to post and share.
I swear it, baby. You're my only blog and I love you.
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