Eighteen years ago, I was eighteen years old and my life was about to change forever.
Today, my son turned eighteen.
After a series of emotional texts with my ex-husband (his dad), I took to digging out his baby book just for old time's sake. I found a letter tucked into the back - the envelope was sealed - and on the front was written "To Bubba: On his 18th Birthday". To give a little history here, I have very few things that I've held on to for 18 years. My social security card, a couple pieces of jewelry that belonged to my Nanny and my Mamo, my childhood bible... and photos. That's about it. I broke the seal and opened the letter and so many emotions came flooding back - I was instantly transported to the hallway floor of my first apartment where I penned that letter over 18 years ago. We were still throwing around names for our baby boy, but because he was such a brute in-utero, we took to calling him 'Bubba'.
Eighteen years ago, a very nervous 18-year-old girl wrote the following:
12/14/1993
"Dear 'Bubba',
I don't know you yet. I don't even know what we're going to name you. But I already love you. You're due in a week, but there's a possibility that we might be bringing you home before then. I still can't believe how much my life has changed in the past six months. And how much it's going to change in the next week.
My mom was there when I heard your heartbeat for the first time. It sounded like static to me at first, but then I heard it like the rhythm of a washing machine, strong and steady.
I was reading a book and drinking iced tea this summer the first time I felt you move. At first I thought it was gas... it was just the tiniest, softest flutter, like I had swallowed a moth. It didn't take very long for that soft tickle to turn into blips and bumps and elbows in my ribs. We know you're a boy and we know you're strong. So your dad and I have been calling you 'Bubba'.
I sing to you every day and I talk to you on my walk home from work. I can't imagine what the neighbors must think about the crazy pregnant girl who talks to herself!
You'll know this growing up, 'cuz you'll learn math in public school, but your dad and I only got married a little over a month ago. We waited because we wanted to make sure we were getting married for the right reasons. I'm still not sure I even know what the right reasons are. But I know that we love each other. And we love you. We fought our family and each other for you. You're not even here and you're already the most important person in our lives.
I just got a crappy little roach-infested apartment close to work because I have no car, but I have a good job and health insurance. So, I've got a head start on this 'adulthood' thing, I think. We're facing a lot of challenges right now and I'm sad to say that you're going to have a rough start in this world. But hey, so did Jesus, right? Not that I'm the Virgin Mary... VERY far from it!... but more on that when you're older.
I'm scared. I don't know if I'll be a good mom. But I promise to try. I promise to love you more than anyone else possibly could. I promise to stick by you when the rest of the world has turned its back on you. I promise that as long as I'm alive, you will be welcome in my home and in my arms. I promise to teach you what I can. I promise to learn. I promise to grow.
I can't wait to meet you.
I love you.
Love,
Mom
PS. That's the first time I've signed the word 'mom'. I think I like it."
So I've been sick all week, which means I've been spending entirely too much time in front of the TV and the computer. Several of my friends had posted or referenced the following video on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, etc. I've watched it several times now and each time has sparked another debate point so I figured I'd just collect my current thoughts on the topic in one place. Suppressing my natural desire to be sarcastic and dismissive, I'm going to attempt some intelligent discourse and debate here.
I'll break this down for Mr. Perry little by little. "I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian."
What an odd statement to lead with, Mr. Perry. Should you be ashamed? I know a lot of Christians. I was raised by what is considered (by today's standards) a devout Christian family. We went to church three times a week. Three. Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night. I come from a long line of ministers and worship leaders, pastors and spiritual mentors. And having always lived in the United States, we've always been able to worship and fellowship freely, openly, publicly and without shame. So for starters, I find your opening subtle but intentionally incendiary. Let's stay tuned, shall we?
"...there's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school."
WOAH!! Hold your horses, Mr. Perry. There's something WRONG with this sentence. As my southern kinfolk would say, "Them's fightin' words."
First of all, gays have ALWAYS served in our military. Gays always WILL serve in our military. (Whether you and your good ol' boys like it or not.) How "openly" they serve remains to be seen as long as there are people who think and feel the way you do. Even now, I know servicemen and women that are not comfortable discussing their personal lives or sexual orientation because they suffer hazing and teasing (in the mild cases) and shame, persecution and violent oppression (in severe cases). Without questioning your grasp on reality, I'll simply state that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is STILL making headlines in our current news stories for a reason. Our gay YOUTHS are still being bullied daily at school and beaten to death in dark alleys. We have not quite become the gay-loving country you think we are. There's still a long way to go before we exhibit an open-arm policy of tolerance, here.
Second, where do you live that your children can't openly celebrate Christmas?? Have you looked around lately? I can't walk a block in my city without seeing nativities and holiday displays of all shapes and sizes. Carols are playing nonstop on department store sound systems and local radio stations. While running errands this weekend, I encountered three "Happy Holidays" and one "Merry Christmas" from complete strangers. It hardly sounds like our children aren't free to celebrate Christmas. On my residential block, there are FIVE 'Christian' nativities in front yards and three Jewish displays. And even the meth-heads next door and the juvenile delinquents throughout the neighborhood have managed to show respect for the decorations with only one incident of rearranging wise men into a questionable tableau.
And I hate to break it to you, but children DO pray in school. So do their teachers. Some do it openly, some are more private - but such is the institution of prayer. Sometimes it's personal. Sometimes it's not. I was openly Christian in Jr. High and High School, but I would have felt very uncomfortable imposing my spiritual beliefs or practices on anyone else. When I was in High School, I was active with Fellowship of Christian Athletes - one of two Christian-based clubs available at my school. Eighteen years later, that same school now has SIX Christian-based clubs/organizations for students to join. Openly.
"As President, I'll end Obama's war on religion."
Mr. Perry, I've never heard of Obama's war on religion. President Obama ascribes to a particular religion himself, so I can't imagine that he would wage a war in which he would ultimately become a target and/or a casualty. What I believe you meant to say was "Obama's war on Christianity" which would have been much too specific to reach the large demographic one must when running for the highest office. What you are experiencing (but can't accurately identify) is America's war on Christianity. I propose that it's not a war on 'religion' per se, but a war on the exclusivity, division, and imposition that religion seems to present in our communities. We are no longer 'America: The Greatest and Most Important Country Ever'. We are 'America: One Voice in a Global Community'. We fear what we don't know, but as we become educated as a nation on the beliefs and cultures around the world, we've become MORE tolerant of other religions, not less.
I will go so far as to say that MOST of the Christians I know personally have voiced offense and distaste for your video, Mr. Perry. You are representative of a (very vocal) sect of Christianity that does not like the idea of incorporating other religious and spiritual beliefs into the moral fabric of our nation. Why? What is it about religious freedom (ironically an ideal upon which this nation was founded) that threatens you so?
"And I'll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage."
I don't know many liberals who attack our religious heritage. Heritage is history, tradition and legacy, which cannot be 'attacked'. It just... is. By this statement, I wonder if you even know what our religious heritage is. I also wonder if you've learned nothing from our own religious history between the Quakers, Puritans, Anglicans, Baptists, Roman Catholics and Protestants, Lutherans and Presbyterians. It wasn't idyllic nor was it pretty.
Rather than turn this into a history lesson, I will simply state that liberals are not attacking our religious heritage. If anyone is attacking anything, it's our spiritual future - and I wouldn't call it an attack as much as I'd call it a preemptive strike against the bigotry, hatred and vitriol that has been spewed forth in the name of God and morality.
I would prefer my leader to be preoccupied with fighting against foreign attacks on our American soil, but maybe that's just me.
"Faith made America strong. It can make her strong again."
I don't know what this assumption is based on, but I would venture a guess to say that capitalism, industry, and commerce as well as liberty, justice and the pursuit of happiness is what made - and continues to make - America strong. Then again, that depends on how you define the collective strength of a country.
What makes America weak, however, is division. I assume you've heard the term "divide and conquer"? It's an effective technique, I assure you; and used in military logistics and housewife errand lists on a global scale. And you, Mr. Perry, have effectively divided America once again into groups and factions that either do not deserve the rights they've fought for or deserve more freedoms than they've been given.
America NEEDS strength. America needs unity. America needs fellowship. A fellowship that is not exclusive or derogatory, but inclusive and tolerant. America does not need a 'Christian' President. It does not need a 'Muslim' President. It does not need a black, white, gay, straight, Democrat, Republican, Liberal, Conservative, religious, or atheist President.
America needs an American President.
That you approve this message only confirms to me that you are not the one for this office.
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