Monday Evangelism

Monday is a busy day for missionaries.
I imagine that this is largely due to being all worked up after Sunday's sermon and a renewed vigor to be 'fishers of men'.
I find it funny, strange, and slightly annoying that missionaries don't respect 'no trespassing' or 'no soliciting' signs. I mentioned this to several well-meaning souls who found themselves attempting to witness at my front door. They all looked puzzled. As if to say "God's love for you transcends solicitation and trespassing."
Oh, screw off! (On the inside.)
But I do try to be polite. I tell them I'm not interested in joining their church, but thank them for their work. Mostly because I respect anyone who is going door to door in this heat, regardless the cause.
Sometimes they're pushy. (Jehovah's Witnesses particularly.) Sometimes they're just very very very very friendly and talkative. (Mormons.)

I had the pleasure today (my 'weekend' as most theatre people understand Equity Monday is our only day off) of NOT sleeping in due to the insistent ringing of the doorbell. Jehovah's Witnesses. Watchtower. I was bleary-eyed and remember very little about the conversation other than telling them that I wasn't interested and not to trespass as per the signs posted at every entrance of our private development. I may have mumbled 'douchebags' audibly as I closed the door. I don't remember. It was early and I was awake.
I had just settled back into bed, feeling my body start to go limp when the doorbell rang again. This time, I flew out of bed... ready to give those fellahs a piece of my mind.
Different fellahs.
These two, much younger... white shirt, black tie and shiny nameplates announcing them as Elder Dean and Elder Barry. I couldn't help it and laughed out loud, pointing to the nameplate. Ha! Elderberry!! They didn't laugh. Didn't even crack a smile. Started right in on their schpiel about love or some kind of crap. I interrupted them with a very polite smile and said I was not interested in joining the mormon church of latter day jesus christ saints or whatever...
That got a smile.
I then explained that the Jehovah's Witnesses had just been here and that they said I'd have to lose my yearly birthday celebration, but that I could wear whatever panties I want. Mormons, however, require those regulation panties. Though they'd allow me to continue celebrating my birthday (yippee!!! says the gal way into her 30's!) "So you see" I explained to the Elders, "at my age, cute panties trump birthdays. God or no god."


I shut the door and went back to bed.