The Drunken Understudy -Vol. 2

More adventures in the life of the drunken understudy....

The Drunken Understudy Vlogs

So I clearly didn't update the blog often while I was out of town... but I did take a decent amount of photos!

The best updates, however, were in the form of video. You see, my cohorts - specifically the keyboard player, the bass player and his wife, our sound mixer and the deck left ASM - and I came up with the Drunken Understudy Vlogs.

They're pretty self-explanatory.

The video can also be viewed on YouTube at http://youtu.be/vQsLxRXE3IY

N2N - Dance it out, Diana!

I will admit that I was a little nervous about doing Next to Normal.

The show is a heavy one - the story of a family struggling to find themselves and each other through the heavy veil of grief and mental illness. Certainly not like the 'feel good' musicals I've been doing recently.
I obsessively stalked any information on the show when it won the Tony - knowing I was mere years away from being age-appropriate for the role (my own son and daughter are now the exact ages of the son and daughter in the show). I also subscribed to Alice Ripley's (the original Diana) YouTube channel and watched her post certifiably insane 'Diana' videos.

Like many actors who have played Hamlet or Ophelia, Lord or Lady Macbeth... it's easy to bring a little of the crazy home with you. And after reading, watching, and hearing stories of leading ladies going nuts just trying to play this role, I got a little spooked. Especially with issues that hit so close to home - how do you leave it behind?
Throughout the process, I cried at every rehearsal. Every. Single. One.

Then we got to tech and something strange happened.
I danced.
I danced in the lobby, in the aisles, backstage, in the tech booth, on the way home, in the hall, in my living room... and once in the shower before I realized that it was not only very limiting, but slightly dangerous.
Next to Normal is a cathartic show. I can't get through either Act without leaving it all on the stage - tears, snot, angst and all - and at the end, there's nothing left but gratitude.

Gratitude that I've been able to experience this journey, that my children are alive and healthy and well-adjusted, that there is clarity and 'light' in my world... and the ultimate blessing that my life is not Diana's.
There was a buoyancy in my step as I left yesterday's run behind me. I can't help but smile easier and laugh louder. Even though my life is chaotic and unstable, I can appreciate both what it is and what it is not. There's nothing like stepping into the grief and discomfort and insanity to appreciate the love and light and sanity around me.

I will be sad to leave this show - and ecstatic to revisit it in Kansas City, MO as part of Theatre League's Broadway series! It's a show I could do again and again and always discover something new and different and heartbreaking.

Cheers to Diana and her Next to Normal therapy.
And now... I dance.

Linguistic Intolerance

I was having a phone conversation with a dear friend who has more in common with my grandparents' generation than my own.

After a bit of banter, he exclaimed "I really hate how generous your generation is with the word f@#k. Back in my day, that was the mother of all offensive words and you kids throw it around like it's nothin'."
I instantly replied, "I really hate how generous your generation is with the word n#%%*r. To me, that's the mother of all offensive words and you kids threw it around like it was nothin'."

After a moment or two, we decided instead to hate the types of people that use the two together.

Peace achieved.

Shame on me...

I know, I know. I said I'd be better about keeping up with the blog....
Don't look at me like that, baby. You know I love you.

It seems that when my life is most blog-worthy, I don't have the time or inclination to document it. By the time the dust settles, I sit down at this thing and have precisely nothing to write about.

So, here are all the reasons I haven't been blogging.

1.) It turns out that Diana (the mother in Next to Normal) is a pretty big role. I'm very guilty of repeating the phrase, "Oh, I'm only the understudy" which suggests that I don't have much work to do. The truth is, I have the same responsibilities - learn the role and stay healthy - without the nightly show schedule. And learning this role is an on-going process. Every time I see the show or open the script/score, I learn something new about this woman and her relationships. I haven't done this much book-work on a show since the Shakespeare days (admittedly, my most recent 'bubblegum' musicals haven't required a ton of dramaturgy.)
Needless to say, I find myself nose-deep in the script while simultaneously looking up mental/psychological dysfunctions and ailments on the web.

2.) I'm moving! TWICE! What began as the most stressful decision I've made all year is slowly making way for the administration and logistics of moving across the country. All while being halfway across the country. No, no stress here at all. (lies.)
My lease is up on June 10th and my landlady has prospective tenants already, so she doesn't want to extend through the end of June. I'm home for a week at the end of May before going to Kansas City for the show, so during that week (6 days, actually) I will attend my son's graduation and cry my face off before packing and sorting and moving everything into two functional households. One household will stay with Jason in Mesa and the other will get stored (Hey Mom, how empty is your garage?) until it goes to Florida with me in August.
I will be teaching classes and workshops through June and part of July - and will sell what I can, beg, borrow and fund-raise to help make this move possible - since, let's face it, I'm flat broke. Aside from the fact that I have more crap accumulated, I'm basically just as broke as I was at the age of 18. Except I had a better job back then. How pitiful.
So, while I've been in Little Rock, I've been searching for apartments, contacting realtors, mentally inventorying my costumes and props for donations to local theatres, and pricing U-Haul vs. U-pack vs. Movers and trying to figure out how the hell to make it all happen in such a time-crunch.

3.) I've been a phone whore. Fun fact about me is that I'm actually not much of a 'phone' person. That great job I had at the age of 18 was working customer service. I would go on to work 5 jobs at different communications corporations before the age of 32 - all of them heavy on the 'customer service' and 'phone contact' categories. This doesn't include the many temp jobs I worked as a receptionist. Phone voice? I haz it. But I got burned out on the phone - and my job is such that I can't get calls while in rehearsal/performance - so text and email are usually my preferred methods of communication. In the past few weeks, however, I have spent an average of about 2 hours on the phone with my future roommate (Ann) almost every day since tech. At times, it's a typical conversation between friends - discussing movies and music and boys and life. Or a conversation between roomies - will the furniture fit, what's going on the walls?
More recently, however, the conversations have turned to mutual creative and business ventures that could very well be a lucrative adventure for both of us. At very least, it promises to be fun and entertaining. So, we've been throwing ideas back and forth on the phone (and via text) a lot - which is how you do things when you aren't in the same state.

So, stay tuned. As I settle into the chaos that will be the next three months of my life, I promise I'll have more fun fare to post and share.

I swear it, baby. You're my only blog and I love you.

If you read it on Facebook...

First, I have to begin with a disclaimer. I've been talking about moving out of Phoenix for about the last five years now. Perhaps even longer... but as my kids entered into High School, the culmination of my 'five-year-plan' became a larger focus in my own personal and professional life. For those who are tired of me talking about it, I'm making it official.

And since it's not official unless it's on Facebook, I figured I'd do one better and blog about it as well.

So, here's the deal...
Phoenix isn't a sustainable theatre market. For me. I specify, because I know several successful actors in Phoenix that are able to make a living with their creative talents. I have struggled and supplemented, but it has become more difficult with each passing year. While staying in Phoenix was a priority to maintain a stable life for my kids, I no longer feel the need to pretend that we're remotely stable. I joke. Truth is, the kids are older and in order to make a living, I have to travel for work. Sad fact.

I've been back and forth to NYC to audition for regional companies and tours. I've got family, friends and professional ties in most of the active regional theatre markets and was almost positive that I was going to end up on the west coast or in Chicago. Logical, right?
Except that something(s) kept pulling me back to Florida.
Florida?
As one of my friends retorted, "Aren't you a bit young for Florida? People usually go there to die."
Yup... that's kinda what I thought - which is why it was 10th on my list of possible destinations.
As cost of living or lack of sustainable work eliminated cities, Florida moved up to 5th... and then to 3rd...
Last year, I was in Little Rock weighing the possibilities of Chicago, Oregon and Florida (in that order) when I decided I could do another year in Phoenix - maybe two, if I had to - while I did more research.

Everything - from the most innocuous reference to the most blatant sign - was pointing me in the same direction.

And so it is, with equal parts anxiety and excitement, that I announce my move to Florida in August.

With friends, family and loved ones in Tampa, Ft.Myers, West Palm Beach, Naples and Sarasota, the siren song of swim-up bars and year-round dinner theatres is just too much to resist.

My hope and prayer is to find work - anywhere - and get established in the Florida market. The good news is that I'll always have housing with most of my family still in Phoenix - and I have every intention of coming back for shows for as long and as often as they'll have me.
The kids will hang back in Phoenix for a bit. Christina will finish up her Senior year and probably loathe spending Spring Break and the summer in Florida, but I hope she'll survive. David is still deciding whether he wants to enlist or get a job or register for college - but renting out bikes on the boardwalk has also been thrown around as an option. (Not that I'm trying to impose the hippie-gypsy lifestyle on my kids, but I like to bandy about some influence.)
When Jason and I first talked to the kids (years ago) about moving to another state, we believed it would be a much different scenario. But serendipity works in funny ways... and no matter how old and cynical I get, I still believe in magic.

Now the true magic will be downsizing all of our crap, finding a short-term place in Phx that will take the pets, and financing a cross-country move in three months (one of which is spent working logistics from Little Rock).

Keep your arms and legs in the vehicle at all times, kids. It's gonna be a fast ride!

Next to Normal in Little Rock

Hi Blog!
I've been in Little Rock for 11 days and have been horribly remiss in posting my typical fare of photos, videos, vlogs, blogs and anecdotes. So, here goes:

I'm back at The Rep doing the Tony award-winning stage show, 'Next to Normal'. I was here one year ago at this time doing 'Hairspray' with one of the most amazing cast and crew that I've worked with to date. Doing a musical comedy like Hairspray is a much different experience than doing a dramatic rock-opera (which is kinda where I'd qualify Next to Normal). Not that the content isn't just as valid, but one is a laugh-fest and one has me doing the ugly-cry on a regular basis. I'll let you guess which is which.

I knew that this experience would be much more academic than my past few shows - and it did not disappoint. I am literally being schooled on a daily basis. Big time.
I am here as the understudy for Diana, which is a capacity that is new to me. It is simultaneously the most awesome gig and the strangest.

For those unfamiliar with the theatre world, an understudy (or stand-by, stand-in, cover or swing) is akin to the 1st Runner-Up in the Miss America pageant. If Miss America is unable to perform her duties, the understudy steps into the pretty dress and waves from the float in her absence.

There are pros and cons to being a stand-in. You still have to attend the rehearsals, but you're watching from the sidelines, writing down blocking and choreography, taking music notes, observing character choices, prop-juggling, costume changes, etc. But it's a lot less responsibility. You don't have to do the press junkets, the media appearances, theatre events, Q & A, talkbacks, etc. In some cases, you might never even perform the role. But you'll also be familiar with the role and the show for future productions. So... like I said, pros and cons... it's give and take.

I'm one of those actors that relies on repetition throughout the rehearsal process to help get the show into my body - both physically and vocally, so the challenge has been significant. We have 7 hours of rehearsal during the day and our evenings off. Nine of my last 11 evenings have been spent going over music and blocking in my little apartment. My living room becomes the Goodman dining room and the Dr's office, my kitchen is the upstairs bathroom, my hall is the staircase and my door is the entrance to Natalie's room, which Diana doesn't actually enter fully... but if they change that blocking, I might have to restructure my mock-up so I'm not rehearsing that scene outside of Mo's door.

Of all the pros and cons, however, the most amazing part of this experience has been the ability to observe. Stepping outside of the box (or the stage, as it were) allows me to see everything that is going on (sometimes behind or above or below) and how it all fits together in the bigger picture. I get to watch a director with a clear vision and how that gets infused with the personalities of the characters. And when I say I'm being schooled daily, I mean I get a master class from some extremely gifted artists. Each and every actor on that stage is a brilliant storyteller. I fall in love with this family over and over again as I watch them discover themselves and one another.

Now that I'm feeling a little more comfortable with the show, I'm hoping I'll be more inclined to blog and vlog. (Little Rock is STILL just as beautiful as it was last year - Lord, I love the south!)

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to drown myself in some sweet tea. :)

Finding and creating work...

I wrote a play once.

Scratch that... I wrote a full-length historical play about the women's suffrage movement (minus one scene of dialogue that was never really to my liking), a one-act black comedy about intervention, two outlines for a dysfunctional family comedy (that I wrote while I was high on drugs from my oral surgery), and half of a two-woman/one man cabaret.

While a few close friends have heard about (and some have even read parts of) the former, none of my latter works have been seen by human eyes.

I had originally hoped to workshop and premiere 'Ain't I a Woman' (which is still a working title) this spring, but negotiations fell apart and I ended up booking so much acting work that I had little time to write, edit, refine, etc. Furthermore, the local actresses that I would call upon for casting have been quite busy themselves, so the project was put on hold indefinitely.

I'm two weeks from going to Arkansas for a show, where I'll be a bit more isolated than I am now - a perfect opportunity (with fewer distractions) to write during my free time. I'm almost giddy at the prospect!

Over the next two weeks, I'll be packing and prepping, learning lines and music, and finishing production of the show I'm currently running. Then it's two months in Little Rock followed by two more weeks of packing to move out of my rental house by the second week of June. It's both frantic and static - which is difficult for me to deal with. I have no plan for post-June. The work I have for next season doesn't start until after the holidays - which means I have six months of work to book. Stat.

I proudly cling to the fact that I live in poverty in exchange for working in an industry that I have great passion for. But being an actor means I'm basically professionally unemployed. I've never collected unemployment from the government in my life - though I did have AHCCCS (government insurance) when I was pregnant with my son. I'd like to keep it that way... but I find that my home state is no longer as fruitful in the arts as it once was. There's just not enough sustainable work year-round and so I've had to travel more and more with each year to find enough work to pay my bills.

And thus my decision was made... to transition out of the desert and to some place more artist-friendly. I've been to NYC twice in the last 6 months for auditions, but I don't feel comfortable living there because it's SO freakin' expensive!! Unfortunately, Chicago isn't much better.
And so it begins that in the next three months, I will be finishing my plays so they can be submitted for workshop. I will be crashing every general audition and cattle call that I can get my happy ass into. I will be canvassing agencies and littering their offices and email inboxes with headshots and resumes. And I will continue pricing and scouting real estate in Florida, New England, and the Pacific Northwest.

Down to a wing and a prayer, I embark on this journey that will be 'Next to Normal'... holding my breath and keeping my fingers crossed the whole way. I will find good work and I will create good work. This is my goal.

I guess I'm hoping this will serve as a heads-up that I intend to be a bit of a recluse for the next two months. Little Rock is a beautiful city that I find artistically inspiring, so I will use that to my advantage as I finish writing... if nothing else, because I want to be able to claim more than just "I wrote a play once".

Why, Monday? WHY?

So today is my one day off this week.
Well, Monday is typically my one day off every week.

Today, however, I decided I wasn't going to take it for granted. I woke up in a decent enough mood and was being really sweet to Monday. "How about you play some video games?" "You want Chinese takeout and a foot massage later, baby?" You know... giving Monday the full 'Watson' treatment for a good time... but to no avail. Monday shat on me yet again.

You see... Monday is an imposter.

For the rest of the world, Monday is negative. It's the beginning of a long work week, the start to the unbearable week of school. There are cliches that make 'Monday' and 'depression' synonymous. While Friday gets accolades and even a chain of mediocre restaurants.

This is becoming a problem for my reality.

I want to love my Monday. I want to revel in its sloth. When I open the door at 3pm in my pajamas with a glass of wine in hand and remote control in the other and proclaim, "Hey, it's Monday!", I want my neighbors to understand. (Rather than whisper "intervention" under their breath.)

But because the majority of humans consider Monday to be 'all business', I feel like I'm forced to participate in the same vein. I take the call from the bank. I agree to meet my landlady. I get out of my fracking pajamas before 9am and run errands. I catch up on laundry and dishes and menial housework. I wait until after 5pm to pour my glass of wine.

Monday has fooled me into thinking I have a day off, but manipulates me into working just the same.

I have a plan, however. I'm three weeks away from going to Little Rock for 'Next to Normal'. And I vow - with all that is in me - that on at least ONE of those Mondays, I'm going to stay holed up in my apartment in my pajamas with a bottle of wine and my Netflix. I will stand proudly in my antisocial den of sloth and reclaim my Monday. I will reignite our love affair and prove to her that the masses are wrong about Friday and that she - Monday - is and always will be the best day of the week.

Oh yes, Monday. I haven't given up on you yet, you wily succubus. I will strip away your business disguise and expose you for the beauty that you truly are.

One of these weeks...

AZ & Birth Control -or- Debbie Lesko is an Idiot

After the Keating scandal in the 80's, the SB1070 controversy and the debacle that is Jan Brewer, I didn't think it was possible to be more disillusioned by my home state.

Boy, was I wrong!

Yesterday, a Senate Judiciary Committee endorsed Republican Debbie Lesko's HB2625 by a vote of 6-2, which would allow an employer to request proof that a woman using insurance to buy birth control was being prescribed the birth control for reasons other than not wanting to get pregnant.

Nevermind the fact that I want to grab Debbie Lesko and shake her violently by the ovaries. I feel betrayed as a woman and as a 'minority'. Yes, Arizona views women as minorities. But that's another rant for another day.

So, here's my current rant about this preposterousness.

First, there's this little thing called HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) that came about in the 90's to protect people from having their private health information disseminated to the public AND their employers. The Department of Health and Human Services (OCR) sanctions FINES for revealing identifiable medical information. It's a national organization that adheres to national laws. Any person who knowingly obtains or discloses individually identifiable medical information in violation of the Privacy Rule may further face criminal penalty of $50,000 and up to a year in prison. (Those are the minimal consequences.)

I first learned about HIPAA when I was working as a union steward for CWA while working at AT&T. At the time, I was very interested in taking my corporate career into Human Resources and immersed myself in the inner-workings of these corporations and their laws, bylaws, guidelines, compliance, etc. An employees medical history was treated with a great deal of respect and many managers refused offers of disclosure from employees themselves for fear that just KNOWING identifiable information could find them in violation.
How the hell did we go from that example to one in which employers have a right to know an employees medical history? Based on my knowledge of HIPAA and why it exists, I have to conclude that Debbie Lesko is an idiot.

Second, we all know that the pharmaceutical industry is a money-making GIANT for our country and our government. I can't watch TV for more than 15-20 minutes before I see an ad for a pill to combat depression, obesity, allergies, impotence, AND... you guessed it... birth control. No one in their right mind could believe that the pharmaceutical industry is going to allow limited access to its all-powerful drugs. Current legislation has been moving towards the legalization of so many substances, it makes my head spin. Money speaks in this country and I'll bet there are more than a few pharmacological lobbyists shaking their heads in bewilderment as they think to themselves, "Debbie Lesko is an idiot."

Third, I'm sure Debbie Lesko has never been scared that she might lose her job because she's pregnant, but it's a real fear. I've been there. Thankfully, we have laws that make it very difficult for an employer to fire someone for being pregnant... but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It does. And it sucks. It would be even worse to be fired for preventing pregnancy. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I can't help but see the similarity in attitude to those opposing the suffragettes 100 years ago. It's a HUGE step backwards in evolution. Proving again, that Debbie Lesko is an idiot.

And last... my 16-year-old daughter has been on birth control for months even though she isn't sexually active. As a parent, I've never questioned my decision to educate and support my children when it came to permanent decisions regarding their bodies. I knew before my daughter was even born that I would educate her as much as possible about sex, her body, and her rights as an independent and liberated woman. It never occurred to me that those rights would be stripped away or require justification to anyone - let alone potential employers. WTF!?

I wonder then... if legislators are successful in limiting birth control for women or making it more expensive or difficult to obtain... what then would be the recourse for a woman to prevent pregnancy or regulate hormones? I could see this leading to a national outbreak of celibacy.
I'm sure every man out there who has been in any kind of long-term relationship understands what happens when his lady is peeved. He ain't gettin' any.

Considering the amount of dudes in charge of passing these bills, I don't think it would take very long for their wives to convince them that Debbie Lesko is an idiot.

Just shaking my head... and pricing real estate on the east coast...